Wedding News and Advice

Here's some fun party games you can use at a Bridal Shower, Engagement Party and even a Rehearsal Dinner to test your wedding party and guests…

Who Knows the Bride and Groom?

Come up with as many questions about the bride and groom and/or their upcoming wedding you can think of. Write about 10-15 questions on a piece of paper and photocopy enough for all the guests. Have them answer the questions for 3-5 minutes. Sit the bride (and/or groom) in the middle of the room and read the questions. Have them answer and award a prize to the guest who gets the most right.

Who Am I?

Prepare index cards with names of famous people written on them. When the guests arrive, attach a card to each guest’s back so that the guest cannot see the name, but everyone else can. Each guest must ask the other guests for clues to their identity. To prevent guests from cheating by reading it in a mirror, cover the card with a 2nd index card. First person to identify themselves correctly wins.

Does the bride know you?

Here is a great Bridal Shower game to take the Bride down memory lane. Pass out an index card that says “Guess who I am? My favorite memory of the bride-to-be” to all of the guests. Have them write down their favorite memory but don’t sign their names. The bride takes one card at a time and tries to identify who it is from.

Visit www.InvitoCards.com for Memory Cards

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Your best friend calls to say she’s getting married.

Then she pops the big question, “Will you be my bridesmaid?”

You’re honored, but a little unsure about what comes next. And unless you’re like Katherine Heigl’s character in the film “27 Dresses” — who has been a bridesmaid 27 times — you probably don’t know exactly what’s expected of you.

The romantic comedy is opening Friday. In the movie, Heigl, of “Grey’s Anatomy” fame, plays a woman who struggles with her “always a bridesmaid” lifestyle.

But what if you’re new to the bridesmaid’s game? We talked to local wedding experts to get the lowdown.

Becky Nunnelly, owner of the Belmont Village on Hay Street, said bridesmaids’ duties aren’t as clear-cut as they once were. Today, the role of a bridesmaid varies from wedding to wedding, she said, depending on the bride’s needs.

“Every wedding seems like it’s unique and different,” said Nunnelly, whose business is a one-stop shop for weddings.

One obstacle for many brides, especially in a military town such as Fayetteville, is having out-of-town attendants. That will determine how much a bridesmaid is capable of doing if she and the bride don’t live in the same place.

“Some brides don’t get to see the bridesmaids until the day before the wedding,” Nunnelly said. “It makes it hard for the bride, especially if she chooses all out-of-town friends.”

Make it easy for her from the start by accepting her proposal with some immediacy. Let her know in a timely manner whether you will appear in the wedding.

The sooner, the better, said Elizabeth Caro, owner of Lola’s Special Occasions in Fayetteville. That way the bride can pick an alternate in case you’re unable to be an attendant.

Remember, bridesmaids are responsible for buying their dresses and shoes and paying to get their hair done. If the wedding is out of town, be prepared to pay for your own hotel and travel expenses. So before you say yes, be upfront with the bride about how much you can afford to spend. If time and money doesn’t allow it, then you may want to consider sitting in the audience instead.

Also keep in mind that this is a happy time for your friend, and an honor just to be asked to participate in her special day.

“When you are asked to be a bridesmaid, the bride really considers you a special person,” Caro said. “It means you’re special to them.”

Fayetteville resident Madison Deal has been a bridesmaid about four times over. Deal will appear as the maid of honor Saturday at the wedding of her friend, Meagan McKinney, at the Belmont Village.

“This is my first time as a maid of honor,” Deal, 21, said. “It’s a lot different than being a bridesmaid.”

The maid of honor traditionally has more responsibilities than the other bridesmaids. Deal said she has been busy planning the bridal shower, making the party gifts and helping the bride run errands.

She and McKinney are roommates, so Deal asks her friend how she can pitch in to help with the planning. The two have been friends since they were babies.

Deal said she’s looking forward to seeing “27 Dresses” because she can relate to the character.

“It seems in the movie she’s always a bridesmaid and never a bride,” she said. “I’m the only single one right now.”

Her advice for other bridesmaids: “Just go with whatever the bride wants.” Because, after all, it’s her day.

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When I planned my wedding, I had already worked in the bridal industry for many years. So when it came time to choose a wedding invitation, I knew exactly where to get what I wanted and where to find it. Now, with so many choices, it can be hard to know what to choose. Are you getting a good quality invitation? Is the pricing fair? Here are some tips to help you along the way:

- Professional high quality wedding invitations are usually printed with a process called thermography, also referred to as "raised ink". This type of printing is created by adding a resin powder to wet ink, which when heated, creates a raised surface. The raised ink gives the look and feel of engraving without the expense. Engraved invitations are available but tend to cost more.

- When comparing prices, check the price for a quantity of 150. Most price breaks end at 150 and there is a flat rate based on increments of 25 above that quantity. If you look at prices based on a quantity of 25, where most invitations begin, you are comparing the worst pricing per invitation. (For instance Invitation A may cost $100 for 25, $115 for 50, and $125 for 150 vs. Invitation B at $90 for 25, $112 for 50 and $124 for 150, at the 150 quantity pricing is about equal)

- Choose an invitation printed by a well known manufacturer such as Carlson Craft. If you are not sure check out the manufacturer's website. If it looks home made, it probably is.

- Order a sample. Most places will send you a sample for a couple of dollars and it makes sense to see it in person before you buy 100 of them.

There are different parts to wedding invitations that you may or may not need. Here is a breakdown for you.

Your main piece, the wedding invitation, will come with double envelopes, an inner and outer envelope, and sometimes tissues. The tissue is to be placed on top of the printing before sliding it into your inner envelope which is then placed inside the outer envelope which is addressed.

Many companies offer to have your inner envelopes "lined" for an additional fee. This is where you choose a color that is adhered inside the flap of the inner envelope to give it an elegant look. Its not necessary but does look nice. You can also pay an additional fee to have your return address printed on the outer envelope flap. Personally, I think this is worth the additional cost as it saves you time in printing labels or writing a return address and looks more formal.

In addition to your wedding invitation you can buy Reception cards. These cards tell your guests where to find your reception after the wedding ceremony. I suggest you use these if the reception is in a different location than the wedding ceremony and you have to include a complete address. The reception card is put above your tissue with your invitation inside the inner envelope. An alternative to buying a Reception card is called "corner copy". This is two to three lines of copy placed in the bottom left or right corner of your wedding invitation and usually costs a small fee (but considerably less than buying Reception cards). Examples of corner copy text:

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Alicia Correia was ahead of the curve when, back in 1994, she let her bridesmaids pick which dress they'd like to wear.

Part of it was based on expediency. The 35-year-old Elk Grove resident's pals all lived in different cities, so she mailed them photos of three possible dresses.

"Lucky for me, they all chose the same dress, but in different colors," Correia says of the velvet, tea-length winner.

"So I figured, why not let them have the dress they loved? To this day, people talk about my rainbow of bridesmaids."

Correia's approach and attitude is part of a growing national trend, agrees Kathleen Murray, deputy editor for The Knot, an online wedding portal.

"Brides are trying to create an overall look, and the bridesmaid dress is not just an afterthought," Murray says.

And most brides now understand that one dress does not fit all, she says. In fact, the current vogue is to pick a color and let the bridesmaids select the style.

"It lets the bridesmaids choose something flattering and helps them to be more comfortable," Murray says, on the phone from her Manhattan office.

Which, you know, kind of helps when you want a stress-free wedding.

"If your friends are uncomfortable, it's going to show," Murray says. "Their frowns in the (wedding) photos are going to be very evident."

Keeping that in mind, here are a few other things to remember when picking out a picture-perfect, friendship-preserving bridesmaid dress.

Conable, the perpetual bridesmaid, says her favorite bridesmaid dress among her seven is stylish and versatile.

"It's black, long and strapless, with a mermaid fit," Conable says. "I've worn it several times to cocktail parties and other formal events. The key is its simplicity. The black just makes it very elegant."

So, just say no to excess taffeta and tulle, busy patterns or froufrou designs.

Think sleek and sophisticated.

"I went to a (bridal) fashion show and the bridesmaid dresses coming down that runway were so chic," Murray says. "They looked like cocktail dresses (I would) wear to a party."

Also big for 2008? Warm colors such as chocolate or plum; copper, gold or pewter metallics; plus classics like navy or white.

Yes, white.

Used to be that tradition frowned on anyone but the bride donning the pure hue, but that idea is definitely passe, Murray says.

"The bride is getting so experimental with her wedding dress, she's getting fashion-forward with the bridesmaid dresses," she says.

Conable, whose collection also includes a sad little iridescent-beaded periwinkle number cut in an unkind clingy fabric, offers this tip: Splurge for something a little nicer.

Quality doesn't have to break the piggy bank, either. A well-made dress can be bought for about $150, Murray says -- although those coveting styles by designers such as Vera Wang or Badgley Mischka should plan on paying between $300 and $500.

Kind of pricey -- so clue in your friends.

And speaking of those friends ... it never hurts to get by with a little help from your BFF.

Simply put: Let at least one bridesmaid in on the process.

"Don't take all your bridesmaids out on that initial shopping trip -- that could be chaotic," Murray says. "Instead, go out scouting with your maid of honor. Take pictures of her in various dresses and e-mail them to everyone to poll them on the choices."

Start by staying away from polyester, Sommerfield says -- it doesn't fit well, it doesn't breathe well and, frankly, it looks cheap.

Instead, look for dresses in silk, soft cottons or -- for an outdoor event -- a crisp linen.

"A good material really makes a difference," Sommerfield says. "Synthetics don't do that. They don't lay well or compliment the body.

"You might as well just wrap a garbage bag around you."

In the end, however, a wedding is, ultimately, about the bride (oh, OK, and the groom), and if she wants what she wants?

Tough luck, bridesmaids.

"It's her dream, it's her big day, it's her choice," Conable says. "You just have to suck it up."

And plan to hit Goodwill the next day.

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For more practical dreamers, the editors of Real Simple magazine have produced a streamlined “Weddings” manual.

Useful and to-the-point, though padded with Crate and Barrel ads (the company’s stores and Web site will sell the book exclusively until Jan. 28), the book’s goal is to show readers how to have a well-organized and stress-free wedding.

“It sounds simple, right?” they ask. “All you need to do is step-pause-step down the aisle, exchange rings, say a few things, and — dum dum da dum — hop in your getaway car.” (If it were really that simple, they wouldn’t have shoehorned in so many worksheets and tick-off lists.)

Still, they show what can be achieved with a little planning and a lot of imagination, listing options to suit different budgets.

Some of their tips: Start a month-by-month planning calendar as soon as possible, then search for wedding locations on the Internet. If St. Bart’s is booked, what about an art gallery, a barn, your own backyard?

Once you know when and where you will wed, enlist the Web to fill in the “hows.” Always creative, the editors spotlight a recent resource, felicite.com, which allows guests to chip in on big-ticket gift items, like a Scandinavian dining table or a hand-painted armoire.

They suggest other penny-wise measures, like having an iPod be your D.J., or holding a picnic instead of a catered meal. The book profiles couples who married according to the Real Simple ethos, including one who got engaged during proposal season last year and overcame obstacles of geography (the bridegroom is Irish, the bride is from North Carolina) and budget (they held a potluck dinner) to create their ideal wedding. They bought their cake online, but ornamented it with fresh daisies. The story they tell is a reminder that a marriage isn’t about the wedding, it’s about the couple.

REAL SIMPLE: WEDDINGS.

By the editors of Real Simple.

160 pp. Real Simple Books.

$12.95.

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You're a bride-to-be, so now you can indulge your every emotion and whim, right? Not so fast. It's most definitely your moment to be pampered and reign supreme, so maintaining perspective will make the whole planning process more fun and less mentally exhausting. We suggest you use the New Year as motivation to follow these 10 sanity-preserving rules:

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As the bride and groom turned toward each other to say their vows, the ocean sparkled in the background and white sand warmed the guests' feet. The moment was interrupted only by a toddler - mine - yelling, "I want to sit in Mommy's lap!"

I scooped him up, only to knock the pacifier out of my two-month-old's mouth. Her lips quivered, preparing for a full-blown wail. I popped it back in just in time.

Double meltdown averted. Still, the ceremony was a harrowing half-hour for me.

Bringing the kids along to "destination weddings" - those that require travel to exotic locales - has become a priority and a challenge for many bridal couples and their guests.

Brides and grooms who invite kids to faraway weddings must consider everything from properly addressing invitations to bedtimes to custody issues.

"If you're asking guests to travel and including children, you have to be doing some research ahead of time," says Jeanne Hamilton, author of "Wedding Etiquette Hell" (St. Martin's Press, 2005). "The bride's responsibility is making sure guests are comfortable. If you're including kids, then you should ensure the experience for kids is just as pleasurable as it is for adults."

As for parents, it's up to them to make sure kids behave.

It can add up to one sticky situation - in some cases, quite literally, says Hamilton, who more than once has seen the frosting get licked off the cake before it's served.

Whether to invite kids is completely up to the bride and groom, she says.

Stephanie Clarke, a wedding planner at the resort we stayed at, the Sheraton Grand Bahama Island Our Lucaya, recommends going for the full-family affair if the location calls for it.

"It's an island atmosphere with sand, sun and sea, and it's not just about the wedding," she says. "It's about relaxation and fun for the kids too."

Many guests with kids might just RSVP "no" to a far-off wedding because of expensive or complicated travel arrangements. Amy Swedberg and Michael Hagen of Minneapolis found that many of their invitees - including Swedberg's sister - couldn't attend their wedding in the Bahamas.

"I'm going to be 37, and all my friends had babies recently," Swedberg says. "Three years ago, it would have been one big party."

The couple is planning a reception at home to accommodate friends - kids included - who can't make the trip.

Since many guests do, however, agree to come with kids in tow, here are some suggestions for brides and grooms trying to make them feel welcome:

-Invitations: Etiquette says envelopes should be addressed to everyone invited, children included, says Cindy Post Senning, co-author of "Guide to Good Manners for Kids" (Diane Publishing, 2006) and a director at the Emily Post Institute.

Swedberg and Hagen sent invitations by e-mail, which they realized later might have been a mistake, in part because it wasn't clear whether kids were welcome.

-Babysitting: Hamilton suggests providing professional sitting services during the ceremony and the later hours of the reception.

-Diversions: Consider setting tables with paper placemats and crayons, stocking a table with games during the dancing, and leaving gift bags with small toys and snacks on toddlers' seats during the ceremony.

-Think twice about including children in the ceremony, Senning says. "They could freeze - or have a tantrum. Some adults almost pass out from the anxiety of being in a wedding, so it's no wonder that kids will have screaming fits."

Parents should be prepared to walk down the aisle with their child, if need be.

And even if kids aren't directly involved in the event, it's parents' responsibility to make sure they don't wreck it, Senning says.

Some advice for parents:

-Plan an escape route: Sit near an exit and be prepared to use it.

-Designate an adult companion for each child: Especially if you're in the wedding party, make sure your child has a trusted adult with whom to sit, and play if need be. Hand the friend a bag of small (quiet!) treats, like Cheerios or hard candy, with instructions to dole them out slowly.

-Or find a babysitter.

Kristin Benson of Minneapolis left her toddler at home with grandparents when she and her husband attended a friend's wedding in Charleston, S.C. She did bring her two-month-old, who seemed to enjoy the party in a sling around mom's neck. But Benson says she would have enjoyed herself more had she been kid-free.

"She was a trooper and slept through most of the night, but we didn't get to fully have the adult experience," Benson says.

As for me, after my son's outburst at the Bahamas wedding, my two-month-old sobbed through most of the dinner. Still, watching the toddlers running through the sand and dancing with abandon at the reception, I was grateful kids were included in the invitation.

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